Forgiving the One That Hurt You

Forgiving the one that hurt you-yeah right. I have been lured many times before by the devil to engage in things I should not. But when that thought first popped in my head I knew two things were certain. One, a thought that absurd has to be from the devil. And two, for the first time I was confident I would not have to worry about falling into that kind of “sin.” But God is patient with me no matter how ridiculous I can be.

My reluctancy to forgiveness was no match for God. I would show up to church and the message would be about forgiveness. A song would come on about forgiveness, as I would drive to the park. Messages about forgiveness would even pop up on my “recommendation list” on Youtube. God Could have hit me in the face with a board that said, “forgive them” and I would have still tried to pretend I was unaware God was trying to get my attention.

Forgiveness Was Far From How I was Feeling

It was quite clear, It was not the devil speaking this idea of forgiveness to me. But, I already came to peace about what happened and was okay with it. So what was the point in trying to do this? But, then I asked myself, “Are you really at peace with what happened, if you are reluctant to offer forgiveness?” By the way, that’s one of those questions you know the holy spirit is guiding. I was honestly kind of scared to pursue this invitation of forgiveness God was offering me. I did not want to lie to God, by telling him I forgive the one that hurt me. When in reality, forgiveness was far from how I was feeling. There were a lot of things running through my head:

• Is this really from God? (just kidding, haha) 
• How do you forgive someone who is not sorry?
• They do not deserve forgiveness. 
• Forgiveness feels like letting them off the hook for hurting me.

You may resonate with the perspective I once held. Offering forgiveness to people who have hurt you does not come second nature, so I get it. But what if I told you that forgiving the one that hurt you is more about you than them?

They Don’t deserve Forgiveness

I can remember reading Matthew 18:21 where Peter asks, “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Okay, let me first say when I initially read that I thought Peter was quite generous to offer someone who hurt him forgiveness, not once, but seven times. But then I read the response Jesus gave to Peter, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-times seven times.” I do not know about you, but to me all of that sounds like a whole lot of forgiveness to offer someone who may not even deserve it. Then it dawned on me, that is the kind of forgiveness our Heavenly Fathers pours upon us. 

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly father will forgive you.

Matthew 6:14

Why we should forgive

You see, we do not deserve forgiveness anymore than the one that hurt us. That was a hard realization that I had to come to. The real enemy is not them, it is the one you cannot see. The truth is I have sinned too, my sin may look different than theirs, but it is still a sin. But because of Jesus Christ, forgiveness is possible through believing in him and true repentance. I recommend reading Colossians 3, I am going to pull out a piece of scripture from there:

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Colossians 3:13

God forgives us and we are called to do the same. I do not look at the bible as this rule book, to me it’s the greatest love story there is. God does not tell us to do certain things because He is unfair and wants us to be miserable. He does it to protect us. God knows more than we do. He is able to see the whole picture, while we only see what we are in. Holding grudges and being filled with resentment will only steal our joy. Forgiving them does not take away what they did, but it can put you on a journey to healing and peace.

Forgiveness Feels Like Letting Them Off the hook

The idea of forgiving the one that hurt you may seem like it is letting them off the hook and excusing what they did. I want to tell you that it is not. Keeping those feelings of bitterness and resentment will only harden your heart. It is keeping you exactly where the devil wants you. Joyce Meyer preached an incredible sermon on forgiving those that hurt you. She explained how the only way to pay the devil back is paying evil with good. Further into her sermon, she teaches how God instructs us not to go and get revenge. God says vengeance is his.

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the scriptures say,

“I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

Romans 12:17-19

Now, it does not say when it will happen or if we will see it. You have to place your faith and trust in God to do what He promises.

Jesus FOrgave those that hurt him

Jesus modeled the ultimate picture of forgiving those who do not deserve it. Towards the end of the movie, Passion of the Christ, Jesus is hanging on the cross, after being beaten, ridiculed, taunted, and tortured when he mouths the words, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” If you have seen the movie then you know what I am talking about.

With all of the awful things Jesus had to endure while being the only innocent and sinless person to ever walk this earth, He still chose forgiveness. Logistically, He’s the only one who had the right to not forgive, yet He still did it. He did not wait for the people that hurt him to show remorse. Nor did He wait for all those who taunted him to mouth the words, “I am sorry” to forgive them. He chose to forgive them.

Forgiveness Depends on You

Not only do you deserve to make the choice to forgive, but you deserve the freedom that will eventually come with it. I know that person hurt you  badly, and if we were together right now I would give you a hug, because I’ve been there. But you have to realize that a lot of the time, how someone treats you is in no way a reflection of you, it is actually a reflection of them. Perhaps It is a reflection of their past traumas they never worked through, so they project them on you. And what if they never work through those problems? What if they honestly do not find fault in what they did? Or worse they have twisted in their minds it was your fault they did what they did to you? 

I am asking you these tough questions to show you that forgiveness one hundred percent depends on you, for those very reasons. They have already hurt you, do not let them steal your joy any longer. Just like everything there is a process, and the process of forgiving the ones that hurt us is not easy, but friends it is so worth it. 

How To forgive?

You may ask me if we were having coffee together, “how do I forgive them or begin to start?” I would tell you to give it to God. Maybe you do not believe, but in my personal life, there was no way I could carry the weight of what that person did, let alone open my own heart into forgiving them. And it definitely was not something I would want to do on my own. So, I prayed. ALOT. That’s right, this is not a one time choice. Forgiveness is something you are going to have to choose to do everyday. But do not worry, you are not alone, the Lord is with you.

Have I not commanded you, to be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God, is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

God will not leave you alone to tackle the road of forgiveness. He is with you every step of the way, rather we feel him or not. Talk to him and invite him in to what feels so messy.

I remember just being honest with God and telling him how I felt. I told him how I did not feel like forgiving them, but I wanted to be obedient to what He was asking of me. And I remember asking him to change my perspective and help me have compassion on the person. Mostly, I prayed that God would help me get to the place of healing where I truly forgave them.

A prayer For YOu

Say those words out loud, it may not feel like it’s healed on the spot, but I can promise you this, God hears you. And the “process” He takes you on to achieve this, will teach you so much, as it is part of the plan.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, “declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14

Those are God’s words not mine. And the GOOD NEWS for you is, unlike humans, God does not lie. Unlike humans, He means the words He speaks to us. Hold that truth close to your heart, friend.

Forgiveness and reconciliation

I do want to clarify that forgiving the one that hurt you and reconciling with them are completely different. Just because you are forgiving someone does not mean they are supposed to be in your life. You do not have to tell them you forgive them, it’s something between you and God. It is something that is for your soul. This is tough, but try praying for them too. You can pray for their heart and for God to work in their life.

You have heard the law that says, ‘love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!

Matthew 5:43-44

The Choice

I learned something new. We could spend our whole life waiting on someone else’s actions for us to free up the hole in our hearts or we can make the conscious decision everyday to forgive that person. Because even if that person does offer us an apology, if we really think about it, will those two short words that are overused in our society really change the reality of the pain that has been caused? Will “I’m sorry” really free your heart of bitterness towards that person?

I cannot speak for everyone, but true forgiveness, the kind you feel in your soul, that is a choice you have to make, regardless of the other person’s effort to make it right. And that’s a process only Jesus can help you navigate. Because forgiving the one that hurt you is not easy, but friends, it is worth it. 🕊

RESOURCES:

• Joyce Meyer’s sermon, Do Yourself A Favor & Forgive
• 1st part to the Healing From Heartbreak Series
• 2nd part to the Healing From Heartbreak Series
• Compassion Inspires Facebook Page
• My Instagram 🦋