What Has Happened to the Value of Relationships? -

“intention without attention is an empty promise. Attention without Intention is an empty relationship.” – Sarah Suhaimi

Why does it seem like relationships are not IT this day in age? I’m not just talking about romantic relationships, but all relationships. Where is the intentionality and what happened to being present with those we love? Could it be that in a “self-love” culture we have depreciated the value of not only building, but sustaining relationships? Whichever reason resonates with you, I think most of us can agree, we desire deep-meaningful connections. These deep-meaningful connections seem to be hidden- SO how can we find them? Perhaps it begins with being/ doing what we hope to find.

ATTENTION + INTENTION

Attention and Intention are two key components that are missing in our relationships today. Maybe one more than the other, but both need to be present to have a healthy relationship. When we are with others, we should practice being fully present and removing distractions-like our cellphones. We could also practice listening more than we speak so others have a chance to feel heard. Giving our attention to others really boils down to being fully present wherever we are.

I came across, Dr. Abby Medcalf, when researching this topic and she shared,

“Race care drivers all have something in common, they never look at the wall because they know wherever your attention is that’s where you are heading.

This is how we should treat our relationships. You need to look at where you want to be, not where you don’t want to be.”
Dr. Abby Medcalf

Along with being present we need to work on our intentions. Are we pursuing others with intentionality or recklessness? This could look like intentionally making time every week to call someone and check in on them. And overall, genuinely caring for others. There are several passages we could talk about when highlighting how intentional Jesus was during his life here, but I want to talk about a moment when He knew He was about to leave Earth and his disciples.

Jesus is praying a very INTENTIONAL prayer to his Father about his disciples:

“My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you. All who are mine belong to you, and you have given them to me, so they bring me glory.

Now I am departing from the world; they are staying in this world, but I am coming to you. Holy Father, you have given me your name; now protect them by the power of your name so they will be unified just as we are.

During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name you gave me. I guarded them so that not one was lost, except the one headed for destruction, as the Scriptures foretold.

Now I am coming to you. I told them many things while I was with them in this world so they would be filled with my joy. I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world.

I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to this world any more than I do. Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth.”
John 17: 9- 17

I encourage you to slowly read that and finish reading the rest of John 17. As you read it, you will see that the prayer was not just for his disciples, it was for you and me. Look at the intentionality throughout his prayer for us. We can all learn the importance of being intentional for the sake of others; focusing a little more on others a lot less on ourselves.

SElf-Love Overdose

Self-love, like many things, is good in moderation, but are we overdoing it? All this attention on ourselves sounds good, but it’s actually making us lonelier and the sad part is “lonely” has become the new normal. We are isolating ourselves and prefer to be in our own company, although we were made to be in community with others. Isolation rolls in because it has become common to completely reject everyone and everything that slightly goes against us or what we think.

Not only were we made to be in the community of others, we were made to serve others- not ourselves.

What Would Jesus Do?

The popular phrase “What Would Jesus Do” is great to keep at the forefront of our minds. He lived his life with intention for us. Not only did He live his life for us, but He gave up his life for us. We are called to live a life like Christ, even though we won’t be perfect at it- AND that’s where the Lord’s grace comes in.

When it comes to relationships, who better to seek advice from? Jesus tells us that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:12-13

If we take a look at the context of this verse, Jesus is giving his disciples some final teaching before He completes the ultimate sacrifice, laying his life down for all of us.

WHo is considered my friend?

The verse says, “Lay down his life for his friends.” You may be thinking okay, I can do that, but “friends” is not just referring to the people that treat us the way WE think we deserve or that measure up to our standards. No, “friends” is referring to everyone, including our enemies.

When Jesus died on the cross, He wasn’t just dying for his disciples, He was dying for his enemies too. When He was hanging on the cross He said,

“Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”
Luke 23:34

After being beaten, humiliated, and taunted, while hanging on the cross- in a moment most of us would be praying to God to take our enemy out, Jesus is praying for their forgiveness. Just take a moment to close your eyes and picture that.

CONDITIONAL LOVE IS NOT WORKING

The world’s version of love is built upon conditions. We oftentimes offer love to those we believe “deserve it.” Christ doesn’t love us because we deserve it, He loves us because that’s who He is.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Unconditional love is choosing to love someone even when they make a mistake or do something you do not agree with. That could like not cutting off a friendship because someone is going through a tough time and may have said something hurtful. You’re not excusing what they did, but you are taking a step back and looking at a situation through the lens of compassion.

Helping instead of Isolating

It goes along with the ideas of unconditional vs conditional love and loosing the focus of ourselves, but haven’t you noticed how much better it feels, when you do something kind for someone other than yourself? Going out of your way to make something a little easier for someone to brighten their day gives us a feeling of purpose. We were made for relationship and staying to ourselves keeps us isolated and “un-happy.” God has given all of us gifts and those gifts can be used in a great way to help others.

You were called to be a light

I want to talk about when Jesus is instructing his disciples to be the salt and light of the world.

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.

You are the light of the world-like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.

In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. “
Matthew 5:13-16

We are the salt and light of the world. God has assigned certain people to be in your life for you to shine your light upon. It says what good is a lamp if it is put under a basket? In the same way, what good are the gifts God has given us to reach people if we remain hidden?

Say you are in a living room with 15-20 other people and the power goes out. Everyone is panicking, people can’t see, and they all feel loss with no sense of direction. For some reason there is a lamp plugged into the wall and it still works (this is a hypothetical). YOU point it out to everyone and they all turn towards your direction and now they see the LIGHT!

Let’s take it a step further and say someone covered it up with a blanket. This lamp is still providing light for itself- BUT now that it’s hidden, the others, that once benefited from this light have now returned to the dark- lost, blind, and in a state of stress.

ARE YOU ISOLATING YOUR GIFT?

Are you isolating the gift God gave you by remaining in your own company? Those gifts could not only help people, but build relationships at the same time. Maybe God gave you the gift of writing music and you write about how He got you out of a hard time, but you do not release any of it to those around you or out to the public. You sing the songs in the shower and in your room- SO you are still receiving that “light”, but no one else has access to it.

It could even be your smile or gentle voice that soothes people/ brightens their day, but because you stay home or in your room- no one is able to encounter it. God uses us all in little and big ways that make an impact on people, we just need to trust him and walk out.

CHallenge

For one week I encourage you to make a goal everyday to be in the company of others. This could look like going inside Starbucks instead of using the drive thru and talking to a stranger. Eat inside instead of getting takeout and strike conversation with people there. Reach out to someone who may have offended you in the past and offer compassion. Call someone you know that could use a little extra encouragement. We can all make an effort to see a little less of ourselves and a lot more of others!

Let’s start being attentive and intentional with others! Let’s get out there and be the light God has called us to be. In doing so, we are giving opportunity for others to be loved and for relationships to grow.

xx, Emilee